Fade Away
by Eulene
Summary: [-Completed-]The past returns to haunt Meroko. (Follows the manga)
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own this. Especially not this chapter! I wish I did though but everything belongs to Arina Tanemura.

A/N: This chapter is mainly about how Meroko feels after discovering about her past in book 4 of the manga series. This chapter depicts exactly whatever that has happened in the manga. No doubt, it would be different from the anime. Eventually it would progress on to the other characters so please be patient. I don't intend for this fic to be too long so I suppose it should be done in a few chapters' time. Please drop by a review after you've read and tell me your thoughts. Thanks.

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**Fade Away**

Prologue

Meroko Yui collapsed to the ground feeling an utter sense of helplessness and weakness course through her.

The pain…

The agony…

It was tearing her up from inside…

From within…

The memories once lost, were back…

And here they were, haunting her…

_"Fuzuki! I… Eh… Have you ever been in love?" the shy girl of sixteen, called Rikyou Moe had asked her best friend Kouyama Fuzuki as she blushed deeply._

_Answering with a knowing giggle Fuzuki had replied," Haha… I know Moe… You are in love with the violinist… Right?"_

_Turning away as if in an attempt to hide her crimson face from her teasing friend, Moe said softly, "It must remain a secret… Promise?"_

_"All right!"_

_She had trusted her so, knowing that Fuzuki was her best friend and was engaged. She was the last the person, Moe would have thought who would betray her, who would take him away from her…_

_Why Fuzuki?_

_Why?_

The pain…

It was growing into a ball, which tormented her insides. She curled herself up in a corner and hugged her knees close to herself, as if to keep herself as warm as possible, to drive the coldness of the memories…

Or perhaps she had done that in a bid to escape from the memories?

It didn't matter…

It didn't work after all…

_When she had heard of the new engagement arrangement where by she, Rikyou Moe was to be engaged with the man who was Fuzuki's ex-fiancé Moe had gaped in disbelief and confusion._

_It couldn't be true…_

_She had ran all the way to the Kouyama residence, wanting to find Fuzuki, to ask her if it was true, to tell her all about it and find out that it was all a prank and laugh about it…_

_But the sight that greeted her in the backyard of the Kouyama's residence shocked her beyond belief. _

_There, in the middle of the beautiful garden were her best friend and the man she loved, entangled in each other's arms with their lips pressed to each other, locked in a passionate kiss._

_"Moe!" Fuzuki had called out anxiously, pulling away from his embrace, no doubt in a bid to explain herself, "I can explain! Things aren't the way they are!"_

_A peal of laughter, so cold and bitter, unlike her usual self escaped her," I get it… You two… You've been secretly seeing each other all the while huh?"_

_"No!" there she went again, "No! It's not like that!"_

_Moe screamed, "You've betrayed me! To think I trusted you so! You betrayed me! You, Fuzuki my best friend! You betrayed me!"_

_Hands clapped over her ears, determined not to hear any more lies from the person whom she had known as her best friend for years, Moe took flight. How long had the two of them been going on? How long had the deceit been going on?_

_Lies… Lies! They had been lying to her all this while! To think she trusted them so and even told Fuzuki that she loved Seijyuurou, actually believing that Fuzuki would help her…_

_The sense of betrayal…_

_… Had awakened her from her perfect dream to the harsh reality…_

_She had returned home, feeling weak and distraught from her outburst, unable to resist the assaults laid by her prospective husband._

_Midway however, she had summoned up all her strength, all her hatred instilled in her from the betrayal and directed them towards the creep atop of her. Caught off guard, he fell off, letting his prey run loose with her robes half undressed._

_And in the heavy rain, Rikyou Moe ran…_

_Away from her troubles…_

_Away from her horrible fianc_

_Away from her home…_

_Away from her world…_

_Away from Fuzuki…_

_Why Fuzuki? We were so close… Why?_

_It didn't matter now…_

_Nothing else did._

_And atop a bridge, Moe took out a shiny knife that she had taken along with her. _

_Perfect raindrops fell on it, breaking…_

_She pressed the knife hard against her soft skin, hoping that the coldness of the blade would wake her up from this horrible nightmare…_

_And the droplets of crimson red dripped from that long cut…_

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

_The heavy downpour didn't stop._

_Neither did the steady flow of blood._

_And slowly, Rikyou Moe was gone, born in her place, in another world, was…_

_Meroko Yui._

She took off the glove. The skin beneath was still smooth and fair, flawless, without a mar.

Strange… Shouldn't there be a scar?

But there was none…

Then…

Then why did it still hurt?

Why?

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"Mitsuki… Is there someone in your family called Koga Seijyuurou?" (A/N: This is the name of the violinist Moe/Meroko loved. Correct me if I am wrong.)

Mitsuki Kouyama had seemed surprised. "Yes… He's my grandfather…"

Yet another cold bitter laugh came. Fate sure had a funny way of arranging events. Drawing out a whip hung at her belt, Meroko gestured, "See this whip Mitsuki-chan? It's what I use for catching souls."

And she had cracked the whip in the direction of defenseless Mitsuki…

Only to hit Takuto who had just rushed to stop Meroko in the nick of time.

"What are you doing Meroko?!" Takuto had yelled angrily in disbelief at his partner's actions. What had invoked the sudden change in the fun loving bunny Shinigami? "Why? Why are you doing this?"

"As you can see, I am taking her soul back with us. It is our job as Shinigami, Takuto. Do not forget that. " She had narrowed her eyes, her voice clipped and distant.

_You won't understand Takuto… You won't…_

"You won't want to do this!" He tried to talk sense into her, but as he saw the determination and coldness in her large eyes, he said instead," You'll have to pass through me before you get to her!"

She couldn't describe how she felt then.

All she knew was that she was tired.

She wanted it all to end now.

"Then you shall disappear. Takuto."

And she cracked her whip again, bent with the intent of killing him.

He withstood it however. Barely.

Watching him tremble, Meroko felt a multitude of emotions surfacing from deep within her heart, from the memories that had been locked away and recovered since her death decades back.

_Why do you protect Mitsuki so wholeheartedly? Don't!_

_You do not truly love her…_

_Why? Why am I always the one who is rejected? Seijyuurou! And you too, Takuto!_

Confused and lost, Meroko wondered aloud as tears welled up in her eyes," Why? Why is it always me?"

_Why?_

Ignoring their cries, she took flight once more.

Away from them all…

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She had thrown herself into the comforting embrace of another man she had once given her fragile heart to. His presence was reassuring, as she buried herself in his chest, tears that spilled from her eyes, staining his vest.

Softly she had murmured, "Take me away Izumi… Take me away… Take me away from them all… I want to go back…"

His eyes had widened in shock," Are you sure Meroko? Can you bear to leave them?"

She had hesitated briefly before mumbling a reply. "It makes no difference Izumi, whether I exist or not…"

"As you wish…" and he had kissed her softly.

She in return had returned it, seeking solace in the much-needed sign of affection.

At least there was one person in this cold world that returned her affections, her love…

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A/N: Remember to review! Thanks!


	2. Chapter One

Disclaimer: Anything you don't recognize belongs to me. I would just like to clarify something. If you think that the previous chapter- the prologue is too OOC, well, it really did happen in the manga. All references to the past happened in the manga. Hope you enjoy this and please do review.

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**Fade Away**

Chapter 1

Meroko was alone in the spiritual world, in the little home she had once lived in with Izumi before they had split. Izumi was out on another task, he hadn't mentioned much about it, perhaps in a bid to not remind her about her unfinished task with Mitsuki Kouyama, whose life she was supposed to take away together with her partner Takuto.

Takuto.

Her mind drifted at the thought of his name to an even which happened during some weeks back when he had recovered some memories of his past life.

A solitary figure seated on the lonely shores of the beach with naught for company but the sea. He was in a hapless state, with his head buried in his hands, no doubt lost in the memories he had just recalled since the encounter with Wakaouji.

_And being a new Shinigami whose wings had not really developed yet; he would lose his life and disappear into nothingness should he recall his past._

_Already, his hand was vanishing…_

_It was fading…_

_Fading away…_

_Into oblivion…_

In her ears, sounded the ghostly whisper of something Izumi had said.

In the garden, he had asked Mitsuki, "Do you know why people who committed suicide in an attempt to end their lives become Shinigami?"

_He had paused for a moment before continuing, his voice taking on a sad melancholic tone with a hint of bitterness mixed within, "There can only be one answer._

_No matter how small or insignificant a thing is that causes your heart to hurt, you will remember. This is punishment!_

_For even if you can't see or hear… It doesn't matter. Nothing does… You'll just keep facing death…over and over again._

_This is an endless cycle, which traps us in a maze… Where we are lost in death forever…_

_This is our prison."_

She felt a cold slippery wetness upon her cheeks, and then on her hands. Unknowingly, she had wept as she thought of all that had happened.

_Punishment…_

Yes indeed… It was punishment…

One that all Shinigami had to go through, for not cherishing all they had had when they were alive and because of that, they were forced to face death repeatedly, a constant reminder of their foolish mistake.

Even in her latest case – Mitsuki Kouyama. She had been reminded of her reason as to why she had committed suicide.

It was all because of rejection and betrayal.

And it was happening all over again. Once more, she was the one, the one who was to be rejected and tossed aside.

_That very day when she and Mitsuki had rushed up just in time to save Takuto from vanishing away forever. She could still remembered all that she had said, how she had persuaded Takuto to not take Mitsuki's life away…_

_"I am willing to believe in what Mitsuki had said! That the reason behind our becoming of Shinigami is life's way of giving us a chance at redemption instead of punishment… I am willing to believe… _

_Don't take away her life; don't give in to her request to take her life away! Because… Because if you do that, you'll regret it forever… Sure you won't fade away, but you'll face every day with regrets! It will be exactly like your regretting of taking your own life away now… _

_And for your sake… I don't want you to live a life filled with regrets!"_

_"As for now… I shall go back first and await your return after you've decided…"_

_He had interrupt then, "Meroko…"_

_Yet as if afraid to hear what he would say, the words had just rushed out of her mouth before she ran off, "I'll be waiting for you! Always…"_

Meroko smiled as she recalled that event. It was not a happy smile. Just a small one with traces of acrimony.

_Stupid me… At that moment that I had said all that, I, Meroko Yui, knew that a day would come when I would regret my decision to stop you from doing all this…_

_And that ultimately, I would be the one filled with regrets._

_And as the past returns to haunt me, as I hide myself here, evading from all of you, in my heart, I know – this day has arrived._

_I regret._

"Why?!" she screamed, her voice echoing in the empty room, sending back the same question as if mocking her. "Why? Is it always me?"

Tears came relentlessly then. She couldn't stop them even if she tried. She was just so tired already, sick of living already. Hadn't that been one of the reasons that had led to her decision to end her life? But no, fate had to mock her by letting her continue her life even after death but as a Shinigami.

And a small whisper, it was all she could manage now, Meroko voiced out her thoughts, "Takuto… You have no idea how fortunate you are… Being able to fade away when memories of your past life return… If… If only… If only, I could be like you… To fade away and leave all this behind…"

_Fade away and leave all this behind… _

_Leave this terrible world, which has made a fool out of me, to tease naïve me with the idea of love and trick me into tasting the sweetness of it…only to reward my loving of him with betrayal and cruel rejection._

_How much more can a person take?_

_First it was Koga… and then Izumi, now it's you, Takuto…_

_Whoever who decides how things are run, please, I hope that you would listen to all I say…_

_Give me one more chance at death and let me end my miserable existence…_

_Please…_

_Let me fade away…_

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A/N: My short fiction about Meroko and her past ends here. Please review and give me your comments… Thanks


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